More office work humor

[manus]

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me.

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can
I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from
the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one
more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light
bulb?

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.

11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...

13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little
circle...

15. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.
By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry."

The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light
bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect
some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE
STAFF.


What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to pla y.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.


What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of
furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't
hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be a! lone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you
a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats

[manus]

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor

manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
warning
labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell
happened to your bra and panties.
______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering
when you are not.
______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over
and over again that you love them.
______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers
are dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically

converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable

rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are

tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
______
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
_____

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink you kan tipe reel
goood

[MaZen]

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink you kan tipe reel
goood

aparently there are people on enation that think that on a regular basis.