chain letters

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Feb 16 2005 02:49 pm

>I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past two years.
>
>Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
>
>Because of your concern...
>
>I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
>
>I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>
>I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
>
>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
>I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
>
>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
>
>I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
>I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.
>
>I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
>I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
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>I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
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>I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
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>I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
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>I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have their recipe.
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>I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>
>Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
>
>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
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>I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail programs.
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>Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor.
>
>If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 econds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your crotch .
>
>I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a
>friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's 8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's ex-wife's mother's beautician!!!

Dj Cliff Davis · Post by **Dj Cliff Davis** » Feb 16 2005 09:45 pm

This thread sux, 4 real!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Feb 17 2005 09:06 am

Suck a nut, Cliff.

Dj Cliff Davis · Post by **Dj Cliff Davis** » Feb 17 2005 03:24 pm

BrokeA$$Niki wrote:Suck a nut, Cliff.

Lick a clit, uhhh?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Feb 17 2005 03:28 pm

Calling the man in the boat. You're needed in the milk room.

Larz · Post by **Larz** » Feb 17 2005 06:12 pm

try as i might, i can never knock the little bastard out of the boat.
just once i'd like to look up and say "MAN OVERBOARD"